natsumi4g: (izam)
[personal profile] natsumi4g
I am angry. I am angry about my situation. My situation is having to take care of my mother. My situation is being stuck in Phoenix for the indefinite future.

I am frustrated. I am frustrated because my social security benefits haven't been decided on, and I'm not sure I will get them.

I hurt people. I hurt my mother's feelings. I make her feel bad. I hurt my grandmother. I don't treat her well. I take her for granted and ignore her.

I am attached to the idea that everything should be as I want it. I am attached to the idea that I should never be interrupted or be in a position where I have to interact with others. I am attached to thinking that I don't deserve this life.

Who deserves it? Doesn't this happen to other people, who are much worse off than me?

I am obsessed with objects, the aquiring of things, and I am not satisfied when I get them. I just move on to the next thing, with the added burden of more debt.

I don't want to go on thinking in ways that make me depressed, doing things that only cause me more stress.


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December 2016

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